Eric Eisenturd

Eric Eisenturd


This is an embarrassing episode from junior high school and some of what gave me my intensely morbid sense of humor!


There was a short little boy with dark hair and lovely olive complexion. He was in my classes in 7th grade. I really liked him. He paid attention to me, we chatted, he was cute.  I unfortunately was not cute. I had no style to my hair. I wore it in a pony tail that went to my butt. Scott Tuxberry used to make fun of me by pulling his hair back…  I had braces. I was shy.  Sigh….


One day Eric came to school with a cast. He broke his arm – I don’t recall how any more, but he had a cast.  I was sooo in love with Eric Eisenturd.  One day we ended up at the trash cans at lunch at the same time. I helped him throw away his trash. He said thanks, and smiled. Twinkles in my eyes, my day was made.


That now became my mission. When I saw him head for the trash can, I would as well.


One day things changed.  I returned from helping my dream man throw away his trash and one of my friends – Maria maybe? – whispers – I heard Eric tell his friends to watch when he went to throw away his tray.


I was crushed. My cute little helpless beautiful boy had set me up.


My day was ruined and so were further lunches and my dreams of getting my first kiss, holding hands, having someone to dance with at the dances…  


I no longer was in love with Eric Eisenturd. One does not rub one’s face in infatuation or charity. Thus started my sharp wit, intense sense of humor and low tolerance of stupid people.  Gotta protect yourself somehow.


From then on, he was dubbed Eric Eisenturd.  I think that might be been a creation of my sister’s. She’s good at consoling me and making up punishments for evil little boys!


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